In light of all that is going on...

There has been a lot going on lately. I don't think that I ever really blogged about our "2nd opinion" doctors appointment, or the fact that Regan was laid off his job last week! Needless to say, both are major happenings in our life. In a season where you are supposed to be filled with hope, we have found that a lot of what is going on in our lives is attempting to rob that from us. However, we are choosing to focus on the One true hope instead. It is definitely a daily battle, but God is faithful.

So, catching up...

We went to see a different doctor, just to get a 2nd opinion into our situation. Basically what he said is that we are in the 10% of unexplained infertility in which the doctors have no idea what is going on. The four options that he provided us were:

1. Keep doing what we are doing. There is no evidence to show that we won't get pregnant, but there is no guarantee that we will.
2. Go to the fertility clinic and proceed with IUI. (which is the only option my other doctor gave)
3. Have surgery to see if I have endometriosis. Unbeknownst to me, it is one of the main reasons that women have problems conceiving, and you don't always have side effects from it.
4. Try a few months of fertility medicine.

The doctor sat with Regan and I for an hour. That is itself was encouraging enough to keep me coming back! Also, his main objective of the appointment was to get a feel for where Regan and I were as a couple in how we wanted to approach getting pregnant. He said his desire is to gauge the sense of urgency a couple has. What we discovered from our time with him was that Regan and I have a different level of urgency, and it is something where we will both have to compromise.

So, after a couple additional test we have had done recently, it has been decided that we will try a couple months of fertility drug treatments. It seems to be a great and more natural next step for Regan and I and a good compromise while still moving forward.

On the fertility side of things, that is where we are!

Obviously, with the job situation, there is a lot going on as well. However, we are confident (most of the time) that this also is in the Lords hands. I am choosing to believe that He has better things in store for Regan! Regan is so talented, smart, and great at sales...I pray for a job that will really utilize his talents. My hope for Regan is that daily he will come to believe and know who the Lord has created him to be. I also honestly pray that the Lord will make finding a job easy for him. There hasn't been a lot of "ease" in our lives the last year. I pray that God has mercy and makes it clear what He has for Regan next.

In this season of Hope, we are very hopeful. Our prayer is that we won't be hopeful in the earthly answers to these lingering questions, but hopeful in the One true answer. That we will rest in the knowledge that though we don't know, God does.

And all the while...

Still patiently praying for Baby Ellis-

Much Love-
Al

Our first Christmas season in our home has been very special. We have loved decorating, sitting in front of the fire, and enjoying the blessing of this house the Lord provide. Just had to post this picture of our first tree on S. Douglas Ave!

Who but you?

A friend went to see The Story concert last night...

She said it was "amazing".

She also said that this song came on and she prayed for me the whole time.

It is such a blessing, to know, that friends are filling in the gap. Pleading to the Lord on my behalf. Holding me up when I can't stand on my own. Very humbling honestly.

We talked last night, in our leadership fellowship group, about allowing people into your brokenness. That we aren't meant to be alone in our pain and struggle. Our pastor said yesterday, in the sermon, that one of the things that robs us from the wonder of this season, is our inability to allow people into our journey, and in turn, see the Lord work through our weakness. He boldly challenged us, that if we are feeling alone, it isn't because there is no one around, it is because WE are choosing to be alone.

I am so grateful for the people that the Lord has chosen to walk this journey with me. The close friends that pray, encourage, weep, challenge, and remind me of the truth.

I don't know when this time will end, but I do know that I am not alone.

And for that, I am in constant wonder of what the Lord is doing.

Who But You
Too little too late, his time has come and gone
Is that what they say when I walk by?
I’ve got a little more grey, my steps are slow and long
And the promise you’ve made fades in the moonlight


I see a star; You see the Milky Way
I see one man counting sand
But you see generations


Who, but You, would ever choose
To dream Your dream in me?
Tell me who, but You, would dare me to
Believe what I can’t see
Who, but You?


You’d think by now, it wouldn’t bother me
The hush from the crowd when I walk by
And you’d think somehow, I’d let my heart believe
It’s time to let go of lullabies


I see a star; You see a galaxy
Courtesy of lyricshall.com
There’s just one hope, just one way
These arms will not stay empty


Who, but You, would ever choose
To dream Your dream in me?
Tell me who, but You, would dare me to
Believe what I can’t see
Who, but You?


So call me crazy, call me a fool
You alone can do the things You promised to
You are Yahweh, I’m just a man
I’m counting tiny grains of sand
Placing every promise in Your hand


Who, but You, would ever choose
To dream Your dream in me?
Tell me who, but You, would dare me to
Believe what I can’t see
Who, but You? 


Great and mighty God, I believe, I believe You
Keeper of the stars, I believe, I believe You


Who, but the Lord, would dream HIS dream in me and challenge me to do the same?

Lord, help me to place every promise in YOUR hand.

Patiently Praying-

Much Love-
Al

Silence doesn't mean anything...

My heart and mind are not in a place to really blog these days! Instead, I am choosing to spend time focusing on the "other" season that is going on in my life instead of the one that has been consuming me for over a year.

Advent.

A lot has changed these last few days, so instead of choosing fear, I am choosing freedom in Christ.

Regan and I have been reading an advent prayer this whole week as part of our morning devotions. It has really meant a lot to me to meditate on these words through out the day...

Prayer for Advent: Week 1
The Gift of Gifts
From The Valley of Vision:Puritan Prayers and Devotions
Contemporary rendering by Russ Ramsey, 2011


O SOURCE OF ALL GOOD,

What shall I render to You for the gift of gifts,
You own dear Son, begotten, not created,
my Redeemer, Proxy, Surety, Substitute,
His self-emptying incomprehensibility,
His infinity of love beyond the heart's grasp.

Here lies the wonder of wonders:
He came below to raise me above,
He was born like me that I might become like Him.

Here is love:
when I cannot rise to Him He draws near on wings of grace, 
to raise me to Himself.

Here is power;
when Deity and humanity were infinitely apart
He united them in indissoluble unity, the uncreated and the created.

Here is wisdom;
when I was undone, with no will to return to Him,
and no intellect to devise recovery,
He came, God-incarnate, to save me to the uttermost,
as man to die my death,
to shed satisfying blood on my behalf,
to work out a perfect righteousness for me.

O God, take me in spirit to the watchful shepherds and enlarge my mind;
let me hear good tidings of great joy,
and in hearing, let me believe, rejoice, praise, and adore Him,
bathe my conscience in an ocean of calm,
lift my eyes to a reconciled Father,
place me there with the ox, ass, camel, and goat,
that I might look with them upon my Redeemer's face,
and in Him account myself delivered from sin;
let me with Simeon clasp the new-born Child to my heart,
let me embrace Him with undying faith,
let me glory in the truth that He is mine and I am His.

In Him You have given me so much that heaven can give no more.

Amen

His promise is...when I cannot rise, He draws me to himself.

In this season, I want to know, feel, and grasp that truth.

I want to gaze in wonder, not in the questions of why I am not pregnant, or why Regan lost his job, but gaze in wonder at the ONE that is in control. The one that came during THIS season, the season of our lives, and this Holiday season, to set us free.

In hearing and believing these things, may I rejoice, praise and adore him. May I embrace Him with dying faith.

Patiently Praying in awe and wonder, to the God that draws me near on wings of grace.

Much Love-
Allison

Praying for Peace...

Patiently Praying...

Much Love-
Al

No words but these...

Psalm 30:8-12..."What gain is there in my destruction, in my going down into the pit? Will the dust praise you? Will it proclaim your faithfulness? Hear, O Lord, and be merciful to me; O Lord , be my help........"

Romans 5:2-5 " And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance character, and character hope. And hope does not disappoint us..."

 Patiently Praying-

 Much Love-
Al