Everyone has one of their own and everyone has one to share...
One of the things that happens when you start to share your story or your circumstance is that you start to hear a lot of stories in return. In thinking about it, it makes me wonder if I do the same to. Do I over share instead of just listening?
One of the things that I have really come to appreciate lately is just the acknowledgment that I am heard. I don't need or expect people to understand, I just want to know that I am heard.
Don't get me wrong, on the right day, at the right time, I definitely appreciate stories too. I truly believe that stories are spoken encouragement from the Lord. A reminder that He is in control and has a plan. Though hearing other people's stories can definitely be hard, because almost always they end with a baby, they are told to remind me of God's faithfulness. I believe that the reason God gives us stories is to share them, ultimately leading to His Glory. I pray for the day that God's glory will be revealed in the story He is weaving in my life right now!
Lately, I have heard two stories that almost mirror each other about two different women struggling with infertility and the Lord answering their prayer by literally "dropping" babies into their lives via adoption. Neither of these women were pursuing adoption at the time, but had both considered it as a "later" option. Neither went through what would be considered a "normal" adoption process but were connected to the birth mom via mutual friend. Nothing about either circumstance seems normal or to make sense, it screams God.
Hearing these stories makes me think about my own story. The story that God is working to complete in my life. The bits and pieces that He is weaving together to make something beautiful...
I don't know the purpose that hearing these stories will play in my life. What I do know, is that I have been convicted to pray for the family that God has for me. As always, convicted to let go of what I think our family should look like and let the Lord weave together the pieces. I have been affirmed through these stories that God is bigger than the journey we set out upon. That no matter what decisions we make, what we decide to pursue, the Lords plan will ultimately prevail...even if you aren't expecting it!
My life to this day is testament of the Lords work. Being adopted myself, I see that blatantly. I pray that one day, when the rest of the story is revealed, I too will see the hand of God woven throughout. That the story will bring glory to God and healing to those in similar situations...
And that maybe one day...
My story will end with a baby too.
Patiently Praying-
Much Love-
Al
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Family
"You don't choose your family. They are God's gift to you, as you are to them." Desmond Tutu
Being around family is like taking a deep breath. It is a safe place, and a time where you can be yourself and know you are still...loved.
The time leading up to the Thanksgiving Holiday was a bit, well, stressful! The decision of whether we would be heading to Florida was hanging over our heads, mixed with doctors appointments, test with weird results, and Regan and I were both sick. It was definitely not a good combination. Tears, irrational conversations, and stress became the norm for a bit, and let me tell you, that is no fun!
As I have said before, the emotions of this "infertility" journey have led to some of the most surprises. I never know what is going to trigger me, or what is going to strike a cord in my heart. This time, it was the potential of missing out on a Holiday with my whole family. Looking back, I realized a really big personal issue I struggle with.
When it comes to my family and time with them, I don't trust Regan. I become defensive and territorial. I fight to prove my point and to get my way. Honestly, it is very ugly. When it comes down to it, I need to trust that Regan is going to make decisions that are the best for both of us. He recognizes that time with my family is very important to me, and he will do his best to make sure that it is a priority. Ultimately, I just need to let him lead in that, and not be passive aggressive or try and convince him to make those decisions. I need to trust, that in the end, He will make the right decision. Honestly, I know that he will, because he loves me sooo deeply. He is a man that chases after God, and depends on Him for direction and discernment. It is just in the moment, I doubt.
The way I relate to Regan, is a lot like how I relate to the Lord in this "infertility" struggle. Sometimes I feel like if I do all the right things, I can manipulate the situation. How crazy it sounds as I am writing it out, but I know that it is honestly what I do! Ugh...so disgusting!
This was definitely a harsh realization on many levels and again, just part of the learning process we have found ourselves in. It is amazing to see how the Lord is using this, to bring up so much in my life.
In the end, we ended up in Florida...with my family.
And yes, it was a time of refreshment. A time of encouragement. A time where I could take a deep breath, and just "be" for a little bit.
Family... I definitely didn't choose mine... But the Lord did, and I am eternally grateful.
And speaking of family, we have a new addition that we are oh soooo excited about!
Townes Michael Hester entered our lives on Saturday, Nov. 26th around 6:30pm. He and my sister-in-law are healthy and headed home today! We are so thankful and blessed.
Being around family is like taking a deep breath. It is a safe place, and a time where you can be yourself and know you are still...loved.
The time leading up to the Thanksgiving Holiday was a bit, well, stressful! The decision of whether we would be heading to Florida was hanging over our heads, mixed with doctors appointments, test with weird results, and Regan and I were both sick. It was definitely not a good combination. Tears, irrational conversations, and stress became the norm for a bit, and let me tell you, that is no fun!
As I have said before, the emotions of this "infertility" journey have led to some of the most surprises. I never know what is going to trigger me, or what is going to strike a cord in my heart. This time, it was the potential of missing out on a Holiday with my whole family. Looking back, I realized a really big personal issue I struggle with.
When it comes to my family and time with them, I don't trust Regan. I become defensive and territorial. I fight to prove my point and to get my way. Honestly, it is very ugly. When it comes down to it, I need to trust that Regan is going to make decisions that are the best for both of us. He recognizes that time with my family is very important to me, and he will do his best to make sure that it is a priority. Ultimately, I just need to let him lead in that, and not be passive aggressive or try and convince him to make those decisions. I need to trust, that in the end, He will make the right decision. Honestly, I know that he will, because he loves me sooo deeply. He is a man that chases after God, and depends on Him for direction and discernment. It is just in the moment, I doubt.
The way I relate to Regan, is a lot like how I relate to the Lord in this "infertility" struggle. Sometimes I feel like if I do all the right things, I can manipulate the situation. How crazy it sounds as I am writing it out, but I know that it is honestly what I do! Ugh...so disgusting!
This was definitely a harsh realization on many levels and again, just part of the learning process we have found ourselves in. It is amazing to see how the Lord is using this, to bring up so much in my life.
In the end, we ended up in Florida...with my family.
And yes, it was a time of refreshment. A time of encouragement. A time where I could take a deep breath, and just "be" for a little bit.
Family... I definitely didn't choose mine... But the Lord did, and I am eternally grateful.
And speaking of family, we have a new addition that we are oh soooo excited about!
Townes Michael Hester entered our lives on Saturday, Nov. 26th around 6:30pm. He and my sister-in-law are healthy and headed home today! We are so thankful and blessed.
Monday, November 21, 2011
Just a lot going on...
There are a lot of emotions going on in my head right now...
A lot revolve around Thanksgiving, and the decisions to be made surrounding that. We are supposed to be in Florida with my entire family, but the chance of Hester Baby #2 coming early makes us weary of leaving town. Praying for peace, comfort, and unity between Regan and I in making the decision. Anyone who knows me and holidays, knows that they are really hard for me. I thought that it would get easier, but it just hasn't. Let's just say some tears are shed every holiday that I am not at home!
Regan and I had a second opinion doctor appointment on Friday. I don't think I am ready mentally to really write what we learned or how I am feeling. I am still processing through what he told us. In regards to that situation, I am really just praying for direction, discernment, and wisdom as we have some new options to consider! Again, I am praying for unity between Regan and I, as I am one to jump in head first...I am not a "waiter" I am a "doer". Most of all, I am just happy to feel as though we are doing something. I am praying that the Lord will open and close doors as we continue down this path. I am praying that God will give us a family, and that I will be okay with whatever that process looks like!
That is it for now...
Lots of details hanging in the. I will update more when my head is clear enough to make sense!
Patiently Praying-
Much Love-
Al
A lot revolve around Thanksgiving, and the decisions to be made surrounding that. We are supposed to be in Florida with my entire family, but the chance of Hester Baby #2 coming early makes us weary of leaving town. Praying for peace, comfort, and unity between Regan and I in making the decision. Anyone who knows me and holidays, knows that they are really hard for me. I thought that it would get easier, but it just hasn't. Let's just say some tears are shed every holiday that I am not at home!
Regan and I had a second opinion doctor appointment on Friday. I don't think I am ready mentally to really write what we learned or how I am feeling. I am still processing through what he told us. In regards to that situation, I am really just praying for direction, discernment, and wisdom as we have some new options to consider! Again, I am praying for unity between Regan and I, as I am one to jump in head first...I am not a "waiter" I am a "doer". Most of all, I am just happy to feel as though we are doing something. I am praying that the Lord will open and close doors as we continue down this path. I am praying that God will give us a family, and that I will be okay with whatever that process looks like!
That is it for now...
Lots of details hanging in the. I will update more when my head is clear enough to make sense!
Patiently Praying-
Much Love-
Al
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
My comfort for today...
I will blog more later about what is going on in my head right now...
just trying to figure out how to put words to it.
Believe it or not, finding the RIGHT words, can be somewhat hard for me.
This verse was my comfort this morning.
"Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin. Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need." Hebrews 4:14-16
Patiently Praying-
Much Love-
Al
just trying to figure out how to put words to it.
Believe it or not, finding the RIGHT words, can be somewhat hard for me.
This verse was my comfort this morning.
"Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin. Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need." Hebrews 4:14-16
Patiently Praying-
Much Love-
Al
Monday, November 14, 2011
From high to low...
Based on my earlier post, things seemed to be going well in this head of mine...
and then...bomb.
honestly, I don't know how many more "I am pregnant" announcements I can take at this moment.
3 in the last 24 hours seems to be more than I can handle.
Patiently Praying-
Much Love-
Al
and then...bomb.
honestly, I don't know how many more "I am pregnant" announcements I can take at this moment.
3 in the last 24 hours seems to be more than I can handle.
Patiently Praying-
Much Love-
Al
The condition of my heart...
Our pastor started a new series yesterday on money. Yes, I think he will eventually get to the ever so common church talk on tithing. However, for the next couple weeks, he is laying a foundation and talking about how we view, value, and are controlled for the most part by money. He made an interesting point that of all things that exist in our lives, it is money that offers us the exact same thing that a relationship with Christ offers. That is why it is so hard. They both whisper to us..." I can give you everything you need." The bible tells us that God gives us everything we need for life in Godliness. Money tells us the same thing.
In the middle of the sermon, he asked us to ponder some questions that would help us identify what we have our hearts wrapped around other than God. Because that is where the truth lies, that is what is sitting on the throne of my heart. The questions were:
1. where does your mind wonder when you aren't thinking about anything else? Where does your imagination take you?
2. what do you spend your money on freely, not even thinking about it?
3. what evokes the most emotion in your life?
These answers were easy for me, though a harsh reality at the same time. My heart is wrapped around the issue of not being pregnant and getting pregnant. It has taken control of my heart, my emotions, and I am willing to spend whatever on it to make the situation different. I realized yesterday that it really isn't just a part of my life, it has become my life. I am defined by this situation, and it has taken the place of the Lord in my heart.
I am off balanced. The affections of my heart, are bound in a place of desperation, and not in the hope that God can provide.
It is pretty eye opening to realize how quickly "false gods" can creep into your heart. You don't even realize it and can easily say that it is just a place where you are, or a season of life. But honestly, the situation becomes your god. Getting pregnant, for me, has become the god that I worship, the god I spend money on, and the god that controls my emotions.
whoa.
My prayer is that my perspective will change. That instead of being consumed by the "issue" I will be consumed by the God that can fill the void. The truth is, I could get pregnant, but the void will become something else. He promises that He has given me everything I need. My prayer is that I would believe Him.
" His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness."
2 Peter 1:3
Patiently Praying for baby Ellis and allowing God to rule the thrown of my heart...
Much Love-
Al
In the middle of the sermon, he asked us to ponder some questions that would help us identify what we have our hearts wrapped around other than God. Because that is where the truth lies, that is what is sitting on the throne of my heart. The questions were:
1. where does your mind wonder when you aren't thinking about anything else? Where does your imagination take you?
2. what do you spend your money on freely, not even thinking about it?
3. what evokes the most emotion in your life?
These answers were easy for me, though a harsh reality at the same time. My heart is wrapped around the issue of not being pregnant and getting pregnant. It has taken control of my heart, my emotions, and I am willing to spend whatever on it to make the situation different. I realized yesterday that it really isn't just a part of my life, it has become my life. I am defined by this situation, and it has taken the place of the Lord in my heart.
I am off balanced. The affections of my heart, are bound in a place of desperation, and not in the hope that God can provide.
It is pretty eye opening to realize how quickly "false gods" can creep into your heart. You don't even realize it and can easily say that it is just a place where you are, or a season of life. But honestly, the situation becomes your god. Getting pregnant, for me, has become the god that I worship, the god I spend money on, and the god that controls my emotions.
whoa.
My prayer is that my perspective will change. That instead of being consumed by the "issue" I will be consumed by the God that can fill the void. The truth is, I could get pregnant, but the void will become something else. He promises that He has given me everything I need. My prayer is that I would believe Him.
" His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness."
2 Peter 1:3
Patiently Praying for baby Ellis and allowing God to rule the thrown of my heart...
Much Love-
Al
Thursday, November 10, 2011
November 10th
Four years ago today I married my best friend. I looked into the eyes of the man I had been praying for, and saw God's answer. I am forever grateful.
When you are saying your vows, you can't help but wonder the depth of the meaning of..."through good times and bad." You are on a peak, a mountain when you get married. The world is below you, and together you can conquer anything.
Today, those words and that vow means more to me than it ever has before. It is easy to choose someone when the times are good, and it has been easier to choose Regan when the times have been bad...and really hard.
I have always been the person that has it together, that can handle anything...until I met Regan and got married. It is in his strength and comfort, that I feel I can be weak. He knows me, and loves me still. He loves me with his whole heart, and if you know Regan...you know He has a huge heart!
We are in a hard season right now, and every morning we wake up, He chooses me. He reminds me of the truth of God's word, and makes me want to be a better person. He is an earthly example of God's unconditional love, he is a humble leader, he is a giver, he is a lover, he is a best friend, and he is mine.
I woke up to a very sweet anniversary note this morning and cried as he reminded me of how important to him I am. Then I walked down the stairs to this...
And this, this is why He is my rock...a page full of God's truth...verses to remind me Who is in control. Who loves me most, and Who we can trust.
Regan is my earthly rock, but most importantly, he points me to my One true strength.
Four years ago today I made the best decision of my life.
I love you deeply Regan and am so proud and thankful to be your wife.
And this, this is why, I am patiently praying for a child with this man, because just as he loves me, he will love our child and be the best dad I can ever imagine!
Much Love-
Al
When you are saying your vows, you can't help but wonder the depth of the meaning of..."through good times and bad." You are on a peak, a mountain when you get married. The world is below you, and together you can conquer anything.
Today, those words and that vow means more to me than it ever has before. It is easy to choose someone when the times are good, and it has been easier to choose Regan when the times have been bad...and really hard.
I have always been the person that has it together, that can handle anything...until I met Regan and got married. It is in his strength and comfort, that I feel I can be weak. He knows me, and loves me still. He loves me with his whole heart, and if you know Regan...you know He has a huge heart!
We are in a hard season right now, and every morning we wake up, He chooses me. He reminds me of the truth of God's word, and makes me want to be a better person. He is an earthly example of God's unconditional love, he is a humble leader, he is a giver, he is a lover, he is a best friend, and he is mine.
I woke up to a very sweet anniversary note this morning and cried as he reminded me of how important to him I am. Then I walked down the stairs to this...
And this, this is why He is my rock...a page full of God's truth...verses to remind me Who is in control. Who loves me most, and Who we can trust.
Regan is my earthly rock, but most importantly, he points me to my One true strength.
Four years ago today I made the best decision of my life.
I love you deeply Regan and am so proud and thankful to be your wife.
And this, this is why, I am patiently praying for a child with this man, because just as he loves me, he will love our child and be the best dad I can ever imagine!
Much Love-
Al
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
On my knees...
Because I am in one of those places where I don't know what to do besides pray...
" But as for me, my prayer is to you, O Lord. At an acceptable time, O God, in the abundance of your steadfast love answer me in your saving faithfulness." Psalm 69:13
Lord, hear my groans for mercy.
help me feel the abundance of your steadfast love.
Patiently Praying-
Much Love-
Al
" But as for me, my prayer is to you, O Lord. At an acceptable time, O God, in the abundance of your steadfast love answer me in your saving faithfulness." Psalm 69:13
Lord, hear my groans for mercy.
help me feel the abundance of your steadfast love.
Patiently Praying-
Much Love-
Al
Monday, November 7, 2011
In someone else's words...
From a blog I love titled...When you desperately want God to hear your prayers.
Faith is this unwavering trust in the heart of God in the hurt of here. Unwavering trust all the time though I don’t understand all the time.
God is always good and we are always loved.
Loved enough to be shaped into goodness of Christ Himself.
Even if He doesn’t do what we beg, we are still His beloved.
Even if He doesn’t, He still is.
Even if He doesn’t do what we will, His will is still right and His heart is still good and the people of God will not waver.
Real prayer has eyes on Christ, not the crisis.
The rest of the blog found here.
This is always a hard week. The looming question of whether I will start my period or not. My prayer is that my eyes will be on Christ...not the crisis.
Patiently Praying-
Much Love-
Al
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