Comforting Words

" I wish I was there to just hold you..."

It was simply those words that she left on my voicemail that meant more than anything else.

No matter how old, the thought of just being able to sit and be held by mom is something that I will forever cherish. It is those times, that she rest in knowing that I know the truth, and knows that words can't heal the pain. And she offers to just be present...

No matter what distance there is between us, my moms willingness to be present fills the gap.

So thankful for her as we navigate this journey together.

Patiently Praying-

Much Love-
Al

Picking up the pieces...

"When you and I let down those walls of fear and trust God for the greater good, we'll find a measure of healing and restoration just as Joseph did. Instead, we often want to cling to the pain. That kind of thinking only keeps us in the pit and allows our wounds and fears to fester and grow. God has so much more for us.

What was meant for evil in your life, God wants to use for your good.

The Lord wants to bring you and me out of the pit and place us in His palace. The choice is ours. We can focus on our bad experience and miss the joy that can be ours. Or, like Joseph, we can take the risk, venture out, forgive those who hurt us and truly believe that God has a greater good in His plans for our future."

I can definitely admit, that Saturday and Sunday, I was choosing to cling to the pain... to dwell in the suffering. There was something strangely comforting about allowing myself to be really sad, angry, and frustrated. Honestly, I allowed myself to wallow in the sadness, to cry...a lot, and to just be plain pissed off at the situation. But like my devotion said today, the choice is ours. If we risk to believe that God has a greater good and wants more for us, then we have to choose to move forward.

I am making attempts to pick up the pieces of my heart. To allow God to restore me. To remind myself that God is my source of Hope. I am choosing to trust that He allowed this to happen for a greater good, and trust me, that is REALLY hard to do. The pain is extremely deep and really raw. I am reminding myself to believe He has a plan for us to have a family. I am begging to not doubt.

It is a step by step process. A lot of times, I don't feel like I can even lift one foot to move forward...

And then I am reminded...that the Lord will carry me. The Holy Spirit will pray on my behalf...and I can just be.

"One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord. 

Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky. 

In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand. 

Sometimes there were two sets of footprints, 

other times there was one only. 

This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life, 

when I was suffering from anguish, 

sorrow or defeat, 

I could see only one set of footprints, 

so I said to the Lord, 

“ You promised me Lord, 

that if I followed you, 

you would walk with me always. 

But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life 

there has only been one set of footprints in the sand. 

Why, when I needed you most, have you not been there for me?”

The Lord replied, 

“ The years when you have seen only one set of footprints, 

my child, is when I carried you.”

--Author Mary Stevenson--

Praying-

Much Love-

Al

Confirmation

I started last night...

Another birthday...

Childless.

My heart is breaking.

It didn't work

Heaving spotting...

Cramps.

It is coming...

Which means it didn't work.

I don't have anything else to say.

Pray for me.

A Prayer for Peace

As the day of truth is approaching, I am finding myself anxious, scared, and preparing myself to be sad.

If you think about it, please pray for me.

Pray for peace, for me to trust in God's plan, for comfort, and belief...

Most of all, pray for a miracle. That the Lord is knitting together a little baby in my womb as I am typing this.

I am in the time where I am anxious to go to the bathroom, analyzing every little thing my body does, and well...just plain consumed.

I am hopeful, yet trying to be realistic and the balance...well, just doesn't work that well.

So basically...please, just pray.

Much Love-
Al

Mother's Day

Mother's Day

I have spent some time reflecting on the holiday for obvious reasons...I desperately want to be a mom.

That isn't my reality yet, so instead, I will focus on the most important part of this day...My mom.

It is funny how the stories correlate, especially now, as Regan and I are starting the adoption process (more on that later).

33 years ago, in her own  place of desperation, having tried for years to have a child of their own, my mom and dad adopted me. I was the second daughter they adopted domestically. Two and a half years later, the Lord would open her womb and my little sister would join us, biologically.

The Lord knew that this time in my life would come. He knew from the minute I was born. He knew that the mom He hand selected for me would have walked the same road, would have felt the pain and desperation, would be all to familiar with the anguish, the jealousy, and the sadness. He knew, 33 years ago when I was born, that He had the perfect women to be my mom.

I can go on and on about how wonderful of a mother she has been my entire life. How she encouraged me to be the best at whatever I did. How she loved me unconditionally even when I made mistakes. How she always brought me back to the truth of God's word. How she prayed, on her knees for me all through out my life. I can tell you about how she ask the hard questions, and challenged me to see where I am wrong, and lovingly encourages me to change for the better...

Honestly, I could go on and on...

But today, her role takes on a whole new meaning and I am so much more thankful that 33 years ago, when I didn't know where I would be, or what my life would be like...the Lord chose her.

This journey I am on would look completely different without my mom walking it with me.

Every time I talk to her, cry with her, or am reminded of her own journey, I see God's faithfulness and I am forever grateful.

I love you mom. You are "chosen" and I am forever grateful.

Patiently Praying to be a mom myself-

Much Love-

Al

Post Procedure Update

So it actually happened!

We had the IUI done this morning.

I don't know, but I don't really think it could have gone any better than it did.

Besides being a little painful and uncomfortable from having a tilted cervix and uterus, it was a breeze.

Based on the numbers they gave us, all the counts looked really great as well.

So, that is it!

Now we wait.

Thanks for the prayers!

There is a lot on the horizon for the Costello's. I will talk more about it later.

Patiently Praying-

Much Love-
Al

So...

I wasn't ready. The egg/egg wasn't ready and now will go back on Saturday for another ultra sound.

I am really just overwhelmed right now and would appreciate some prayer.

Much Love-
Al

Going In

Tomorrow I will go in for my ultrasound. What will that show?

At this point, who knows.

If all goes as planned, it will show that I have follicles and eggs just waiting to drop. If they are there, then they will give me a shot that will guarantee ovulation and Regan and I will go in Friday for the procedure.

If that doesn't happen, then I don't know what they will do.

A friend sent me this quote from a sermon...I am meditating on it as I go into the next couple days.

" Do you trust that God is all powerful? And that He is-right now- perfectly directing your life? And that nothing is outside His loving control? If so, you can stop being dominated by fear. Because when you really fear God, you can stop fearing everything else."

If you think about it...

Please pray for the ultrasound tomorrow morning at 8:45am and for the procedure to happen on Friday.

Patiently Praying

Much Love-
Al