Regan and I had our first acupuncture appointment yesterday, for him, it will also be his last. Not because he didn't enjoy the relaxing hour, just because he doesn't want to pay for it! I also think, unbeknownst to him, he had expectations about what the visit would look like, and I don't think it met those expectations. We didn't walk away feeling any different...
Overall, it was a pretty interesting and uneventful visit. They do a brief consultation with you before you go in and ask you all sorts of questions about why you are there and your health. After that was completed, we were walked into a large room that probably had about 25 chairs in it. You can choose to sit anywhere you want. The chairs are also recliners, so you are pretty comfy. The acupuncturist takes your pulse then proceeds to put these very thin needles at different points all over your body. I had 3 in each of my legs, 2 in each of my arms, one in my head, and one between my eyes.
After she is done, she lets you rest for around 40 minutes! I eventually opened my eyes back up and she came over to check on me and asked if I was done resting. I said, I don't know, how long have I been here? She looked at the clock, and said ONE HOUR! I was shocked! I didn't fall asleep, but I definitely didn't think I had been there that long.
One thing that I did really like was that in the consultation, she mentioned that this was a holistic approach to health. Therefore, these treatments should help my allergies too.
Bottom line: Regan and I obviously don't agree with the "eastern philosophy" that surrounds acupuncture. However, we have heard about the success stories that surround it. We decided that I would continue to go and in the time that I am resting, I pray instead of meditate. It is actually just a really nice time to relax. We are not putting our hope in this, but just using it as a proactive way to continue our efforts to have a baby. We feel as this is a good middle ground for us right now, so why not give it a shot (no pun intended)!
Patiently Praying-
Much love-
Al
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Navigating my way...
First off, I started my period, and I am okay. The chorus to this song we sing in church has been ringing through my mind all morning.
"If Your promise is true, then Your mercies are new, every morning that I wake."
God's promises are true. I have prayed for strength, peace, and comfort...and that is what I feel.
Does it make it easier? Not necessarily, but it makes it okay. And that is all I can ask for.
On another note, I am still navigating through what it looks like to just "be" in this place. I have really been working on being real and vulnerable and recently that has come back to kinda bite me. Here is how...
This past weekend, Regan and I were asked to hang out with some friends of ours that are pregnant. Some weeks I am okay and would be up for it. This past week was not one of those. On Thursday night the husband of this couple ask me if we were going to be able to have dinner with them on Friday. I answered honestly. My response was, No. That I was in a bad place and wasn't really up for being social and hanging out with pregnant people. I mentioned that there are a lot of situations that I can't avoid being around pregnant people, and that this time, I needed to be honest and real with where I was, and since I could choose, I was choosing to give myself a break and not go to dinner with them. I said that it was nothing personal against them, that I loved them both, I just needed space.
I thought it went really well! I felt a sense of freedom in being able to be honest about where I was. The husband said he appreciated my honesty. End of convo. Now please note, they are well aware of the struggle I have been having, so this was not news to them.
Well...I WAS WRONG!
Fast forward to yesterday, when Regan is hanging out with the above husband and they get to talking. The husband says, "We were really hurt that you guys didn't hang out with us because we are pregnant. Is this ever going to change? You guys are our friends and we want to hang out with you." Sweet Regan didn't really know what to say, other than it is really hard for me and he doesn't know if or when it will change.
Regan and I had an extensive conversation about it last night, and honestly, I still haven't reconciled it in my head. Honestly, I don't feel bad for not being in a place to hang out with them. I don't fault them for their situation, and I don't hold it against them. I can honestly say that I am happy for them. I just knew, in that moment, I needed to take care of myself...and that meant not hanging out with them. I know that they don't understand, and never will. They have not experienced what it is like to be in this place. Therefore, they have no empathy for us. I don't fault them for that either. Regan mentioned that based on the conversation I had with the husband, they knew that I was intentionally choosing not to hang out with them, and that was a harsh and hurtful reality. I get that.
I guess I am just left wondering, how do you handle a situation like that? I could have easily just said that we were busy, but that would have been a lie. We went out with non-pregnant friends that night instead! Next time, if there is a next time, I would definitely be inclined to take the "easy way" out and make up an excuse, but these are people that we have committed to an open and honest relationship with...so what does that look like in reality?
I still don't know the answers to these questions. The conversation is still really recent, and something I thought had gone really well, obviously wasn't received well.
There is no easy answer to any of these questions or situations. I am learning as I go...
Here's to next month!
Patiently Praying-
Much Love-
Al
"If Your promise is true, then Your mercies are new, every morning that I wake."
God's promises are true. I have prayed for strength, peace, and comfort...and that is what I feel.
Does it make it easier? Not necessarily, but it makes it okay. And that is all I can ask for.
On another note, I am still navigating through what it looks like to just "be" in this place. I have really been working on being real and vulnerable and recently that has come back to kinda bite me. Here is how...
This past weekend, Regan and I were asked to hang out with some friends of ours that are pregnant. Some weeks I am okay and would be up for it. This past week was not one of those. On Thursday night the husband of this couple ask me if we were going to be able to have dinner with them on Friday. I answered honestly. My response was, No. That I was in a bad place and wasn't really up for being social and hanging out with pregnant people. I mentioned that there are a lot of situations that I can't avoid being around pregnant people, and that this time, I needed to be honest and real with where I was, and since I could choose, I was choosing to give myself a break and not go to dinner with them. I said that it was nothing personal against them, that I loved them both, I just needed space.
I thought it went really well! I felt a sense of freedom in being able to be honest about where I was. The husband said he appreciated my honesty. End of convo. Now please note, they are well aware of the struggle I have been having, so this was not news to them.
Well...I WAS WRONG!
Fast forward to yesterday, when Regan is hanging out with the above husband and they get to talking. The husband says, "We were really hurt that you guys didn't hang out with us because we are pregnant. Is this ever going to change? You guys are our friends and we want to hang out with you." Sweet Regan didn't really know what to say, other than it is really hard for me and he doesn't know if or when it will change.
Regan and I had an extensive conversation about it last night, and honestly, I still haven't reconciled it in my head. Honestly, I don't feel bad for not being in a place to hang out with them. I don't fault them for their situation, and I don't hold it against them. I can honestly say that I am happy for them. I just knew, in that moment, I needed to take care of myself...and that meant not hanging out with them. I know that they don't understand, and never will. They have not experienced what it is like to be in this place. Therefore, they have no empathy for us. I don't fault them for that either. Regan mentioned that based on the conversation I had with the husband, they knew that I was intentionally choosing not to hang out with them, and that was a harsh and hurtful reality. I get that.
I guess I am just left wondering, how do you handle a situation like that? I could have easily just said that we were busy, but that would have been a lie. We went out with non-pregnant friends that night instead! Next time, if there is a next time, I would definitely be inclined to take the "easy way" out and make up an excuse, but these are people that we have committed to an open and honest relationship with...so what does that look like in reality?
I still don't know the answers to these questions. The conversation is still really recent, and something I thought had gone really well, obviously wasn't received well.
There is no easy answer to any of these questions or situations. I am learning as I go...
Here's to next month!
Patiently Praying-
Much Love-
Al
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Still Processing
I met a friend for coffee late yesterday afternoon. She has a 3 yr old little boy, but she and her husband have been trying for 18 months to have their second. It was really great to just sit and be able to talk about this with someone that is on the same emotional roller coaster I am. It was really nice to not feel crazy. To feel understood. To not feel so alone. I am very thankful for our time.
Besides the emotional support I received from our time together, I also got some really great logistical information. She has been going to an acupuncture clinic now for a few weeks, and she found a great and affordable one that she loves. I was so relieved and excited to hear about it, because after looking into it, and the expense required, I wasn't sure it would be an option for us. This clinic however, is exactly open for that reason. It make it accessible to everyone! I love that.
So, we are diving in. Regan is going to go to a treatment with me next week at some point. He said he wants to experience all that I am going through in this. That meant a ton to me. So, off we will go.
The clinic is a community clinic, where payment is done on a sliding scale. We will be in a room with other people all receiving treatment at the same time. I am actually really excited about it.
More details to come about this crazy experience I am sure.
On another note, this will be my co-workers last week at work before her due date on Monday. I am struggling with the overload this will cause at work, as well as the emotions of me getting my period at the end of this week while she is having a baby.
My prayer every 10 minutes is that the Lord would give me strength, comfort, and peace.
Patiently Praying...
Much Love-
Al
Besides the emotional support I received from our time together, I also got some really great logistical information. She has been going to an acupuncture clinic now for a few weeks, and she found a great and affordable one that she loves. I was so relieved and excited to hear about it, because after looking into it, and the expense required, I wasn't sure it would be an option for us. This clinic however, is exactly open for that reason. It make it accessible to everyone! I love that.
So, we are diving in. Regan is going to go to a treatment with me next week at some point. He said he wants to experience all that I am going through in this. That meant a ton to me. So, off we will go.
The clinic is a community clinic, where payment is done on a sliding scale. We will be in a room with other people all receiving treatment at the same time. I am actually really excited about it.
More details to come about this crazy experience I am sure.
On another note, this will be my co-workers last week at work before her due date on Monday. I am struggling with the overload this will cause at work, as well as the emotions of me getting my period at the end of this week while she is having a baby.
My prayer every 10 minutes is that the Lord would give me strength, comfort, and peace.
Patiently Praying...
Much Love-
Al
Friday, August 19, 2011
Taking some time to process
I had my yearly exam on Wednesday. Though the intention of the doctor visit was not to talk about not being pregnant yet, I knew that I would use this time with the doctor to talk to her further about my situation. I have a longing to talk about it, to know more, and to get answers. Unfortunately, the appointment didn't go as I thought it would. She basically told me that there was nothing else that she could do for me as my general OBGYN. The fact that all the test had come back normal really left her with very little that she could do. She then suggested that I go see a specialist.
The dreaded diagnosis had come. Fertility Doctor.
I thought for sure going in, that there would be a next step. Medicine, something else. But there wasn't.
She really tried to be encouraging and remind me that she sees situations that are sooo much worse. That she wasn't referring me to an infertility doctor, because she believes I CAN get pregnant, but to a Fertility Specialist. She said, something isn't clicking, you aren't pregnant...it is time to see someone that can look more deeply into it.
I totally understand and half of me wants to jump head first in and schedule the appointment and get a move on. The other half is saying, no, not yet. I am trying to reconcile all of this in my head.
In doing some research and talking to people, I have learned that taking this step pretty much means you are ready to walk into trying alternative methods like IUI. The first appointment is extremely expensive and they pretty much automatically set-up a plan for moving forward.
I want answers, I want to know more, but I don't know if I am ready for that.
Recently, since I have been reading Making Babies and sharing more openly about my situation, I have been confronted with Acupuncture. This form of treatment has always been in the back of my head to deal with my allergies, but it is also becoming extremely popular with people dealing with infertility issues.
I am begining to think that this may be a good middle ground for me. It will allow me to feel like I am doing my part in being proactive, yet not jumping into fertility treatments.
On a side note, we are studying commitments in our community group. I was praying the other morning for the Lord to reveal to me vows that I have made....because those are just greater forms of commitments. I realized that I have made more vows and judgements than I realized in regards to how people have handled infertility struggles. I truly understand now, the rush of emotions and feelings that you experience when you so desperately want to be pregnant and it isn't happening. You are willing to do anything to change your situation. My tendency is to think that even though I have asked for forgiveness, that the Lord is going to punish me by teaching me a lesson because I have judged these people. I am fighting to believe different. I am fighting to believe that I am forgiven and redeemed. That God has his own story for my life, outside of the experiences my friends have had. God is in control.
Here is one of the articles that I have come across recently about acupuncture: http://www.tennessean.com/article/20110809/LIFE/308090026/Infertile-women-sing-acupuncture-s-praises
Patiently Praying-
Much Love-
Al
The dreaded diagnosis had come. Fertility Doctor.
I thought for sure going in, that there would be a next step. Medicine, something else. But there wasn't.
She really tried to be encouraging and remind me that she sees situations that are sooo much worse. That she wasn't referring me to an infertility doctor, because she believes I CAN get pregnant, but to a Fertility Specialist. She said, something isn't clicking, you aren't pregnant...it is time to see someone that can look more deeply into it.
I totally understand and half of me wants to jump head first in and schedule the appointment and get a move on. The other half is saying, no, not yet. I am trying to reconcile all of this in my head.
In doing some research and talking to people, I have learned that taking this step pretty much means you are ready to walk into trying alternative methods like IUI. The first appointment is extremely expensive and they pretty much automatically set-up a plan for moving forward.
I want answers, I want to know more, but I don't know if I am ready for that.
Recently, since I have been reading Making Babies and sharing more openly about my situation, I have been confronted with Acupuncture. This form of treatment has always been in the back of my head to deal with my allergies, but it is also becoming extremely popular with people dealing with infertility issues.
I am begining to think that this may be a good middle ground for me. It will allow me to feel like I am doing my part in being proactive, yet not jumping into fertility treatments.
On a side note, we are studying commitments in our community group. I was praying the other morning for the Lord to reveal to me vows that I have made....because those are just greater forms of commitments. I realized that I have made more vows and judgements than I realized in regards to how people have handled infertility struggles. I truly understand now, the rush of emotions and feelings that you experience when you so desperately want to be pregnant and it isn't happening. You are willing to do anything to change your situation. My tendency is to think that even though I have asked for forgiveness, that the Lord is going to punish me by teaching me a lesson because I have judged these people. I am fighting to believe different. I am fighting to believe that I am forgiven and redeemed. That God has his own story for my life, outside of the experiences my friends have had. God is in control.
Here is one of the articles that I have come across recently about acupuncture: http://www.tennessean.com/article/20110809/LIFE/308090026/Infertile-women-sing-acupuncture-s-praises
Patiently Praying-
Much Love-
Al
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Gentle Reminder...
Regan so graciously reminded me this morning of something he was reading at the moment in the book Red Sea Rules. If you haven't read it, you need to.
" When you are in a difficult place realize that the Lord either placed you there or allowed you to be there for reasons perhaps known for now only by himself. The same God who led you in will lead you out!"
I am thankful for the fact that even though I may not know the reasons I am here, God does.
Patiently Praying-
Much Love-
Al
" When you are in a difficult place realize that the Lord either placed you there or allowed you to be there for reasons perhaps known for now only by himself. The same God who led you in will lead you out!"
I am thankful for the fact that even though I may not know the reasons I am here, God does.
Patiently Praying-
Much Love-
Al
Monday, August 15, 2011
My Latest Challenge
Church yesterday was really good...
and really HARD.
In short, the message was on living in the fullness of Christ love for us. His purpose didn't stop on the cross, it continued in His resurrection. His desire for us is to be full of His love. It was pretty much the last thing that our pastor said that hit the hardest. He asked us...
How do you truly experience the fullness of God's love for you?
Here came the clincher.
"Thank God for the struggles."
Thank the Lord for the hard places He has you in right now, because in those hard places, in those time where you say you can't do it anymore, you open the door and allow the Lord to step in and fill you with His love.
That is my challenge. I am asking the Lord to help me experience and be grateful for the vastness of His love. To be thankful for this struggle and challenge.
My prayer is that it ends soon, but in the mean time, I want to be thankful for the opportunity to know His love.
Patiently Praying-
Much love-
Al
and really HARD.
In short, the message was on living in the fullness of Christ love for us. His purpose didn't stop on the cross, it continued in His resurrection. His desire for us is to be full of His love. It was pretty much the last thing that our pastor said that hit the hardest. He asked us...
How do you truly experience the fullness of God's love for you?
Here came the clincher.
"Thank God for the struggles."
Thank the Lord for the hard places He has you in right now, because in those hard places, in those time where you say you can't do it anymore, you open the door and allow the Lord to step in and fill you with His love.
That is my challenge. I am asking the Lord to help me experience and be grateful for the vastness of His love. To be thankful for this struggle and challenge.
My prayer is that it ends soon, but in the mean time, I want to be thankful for the opportunity to know His love.
Patiently Praying-
Much love-
Al
Friday, August 12, 2011
It's crazy but true...
I got the Smiley Face!
Anyone in the land of tracking periods and trying to get pregnant, probably knows what this means!
Ovulation time.
Anyone in the land of tracking periods and trying to get pregnant also knows what else that means.
I kinda laugh just thinking about it.
Here's to the next 5 days.
Praying for energy and fast swimmers...(i am not kidding)
Much Love-
Al
Anyone in the land of tracking periods and trying to get pregnant, probably knows what this means!
Ovulation time.
Anyone in the land of tracking periods and trying to get pregnant also knows what else that means.
I kinda laugh just thinking about it.
Here's to the next 5 days.
Praying for energy and fast swimmers...(i am not kidding)
Much Love-
Al
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
I survived!
As expected, God came through. He gave me the strength to make it through 2 showers and multiple pregnancy announcements. And now, I am on the other side.
In all honesty, I dove in head first. I set out to occupy my brain with the details of the shower, to keep it from focusing on the sadness I was feeling. By Sunday, I was exhausted. Here is the proof of the details:
I spent the vast majority of Thursday night hand cutting out those circles...and the better part of Friday, sewing them together! Ha. Coping mechanisms at their finest.
I was so incredibly blessed to have the Bird in town for the weekend, and that in itself was a lot of why I made it through too! It is amazing what she does for my soul. It was nice to feel comforted and understood. To feel the freedom to be sad, to be asked how I am doing, and to be loved in the midst of all of this. She was the perfect compliment. She could entertain the guest while I had my mini breakdowns, and no one ever knew!
Because honestly, there were a couple of those breakdowns, and I don't feel bad about them. I think that allowing myself to have those, ultimately helped. It helped me feel less weird about being surrounded by moms. It helped me not keep it pent up inside of me. It helped me just feel okay, and that is what I needed in that moment.
So now, we move on. We move on to the begining of the school year and all that awaits with that. Lots of pregnancy talk from people that haven't seen my prego co-worker for the whole summer and then her maternity leave in a couple weeks.
On another personal note. I am taking my ovulation test this week, I am on day 15 today and still haven't gotten a positive ovulation test. I will not stress. I will not stress.
This post is ALL OVER THE MAP. I guess it is a good example of where my brain is right now.
My prayer is that I do ovulate this month and that the test will be positive tomorrow. I don't know of a month when I haven't, though I have only taken these test for a few months. I pray that I won't stress about it and that I can trust in the Lords plan.
Patiently Praying-
Much Love-
Al
In all honesty, I dove in head first. I set out to occupy my brain with the details of the shower, to keep it from focusing on the sadness I was feeling. By Sunday, I was exhausted. Here is the proof of the details:
I was so incredibly blessed to have the Bird in town for the weekend, and that in itself was a lot of why I made it through too! It is amazing what she does for my soul. It was nice to feel comforted and understood. To feel the freedom to be sad, to be asked how I am doing, and to be loved in the midst of all of this. She was the perfect compliment. She could entertain the guest while I had my mini breakdowns, and no one ever knew!
Because honestly, there were a couple of those breakdowns, and I don't feel bad about them. I think that allowing myself to have those, ultimately helped. It helped me feel less weird about being surrounded by moms. It helped me not keep it pent up inside of me. It helped me just feel okay, and that is what I needed in that moment.
So now, we move on. We move on to the begining of the school year and all that awaits with that. Lots of pregnancy talk from people that haven't seen my prego co-worker for the whole summer and then her maternity leave in a couple weeks.
On another personal note. I am taking my ovulation test this week, I am on day 15 today and still haven't gotten a positive ovulation test. I will not stress. I will not stress.
This post is ALL OVER THE MAP. I guess it is a good example of where my brain is right now.
My prayer is that I do ovulate this month and that the test will be positive tomorrow. I don't know of a month when I haven't, though I have only taken these test for a few months. I pray that I won't stress about it and that I can trust in the Lords plan.
Patiently Praying-
Much Love-
Al
Thursday, August 4, 2011
It's like a power surge
As I was standing in the bathroom getting ready for work this morning, we had one of the ever so common "power surges" in our house. It isn't anything major, not even enough to make the alarm clock flash to 12:00am, just a little blip in the lights.
However, as I was driving to work, I had this little moment of my own. For a brief second I thought to myself, "I can do this today." It was a fleeting thought in the midst of the madness of emotion that is raging in my head right now. It was like my own little power surge, and for a brief moment I had peace.
I will be honest, the moment was brief. It is gone.
It is a good reminder though, that those moments exist and can be real.
I am praying for one of those power surges at 4:00pm today...
And then again on Saturday night.
Patiently Praying-
Much love-
Al
However, as I was driving to work, I had this little moment of my own. For a brief second I thought to myself, "I can do this today." It was a fleeting thought in the midst of the madness of emotion that is raging in my head right now. It was like my own little power surge, and for a brief moment I had peace.
I will be honest, the moment was brief. It is gone.
It is a good reminder though, that those moments exist and can be real.
I am praying for one of those power surges at 4:00pm today...
And then again on Saturday night.
Patiently Praying-
Much love-
Al
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Baby Shower Over Load...
Two baby showers in one week. Poor planning or what?
I wasn't really thinking about the implications when my boss asked me if she could host a work shower for my friend and co-worker the same week my best friend and I are hosting a shower for her.
I am realizing those implications now.
To be honest, I had kinda forgotten about the work shower completely. "Forgotten" and "pushed back into the recesses of my mind" are often interchangeable words for me. I had probably subconsciously decided not to think about it, because well, the thoughts are kinda hard to deal with.
Until today.
When I got an email reminder about it.
I almost find it easier to think about hosting the shower than to just be an attendee. I have found it easy to start a mental check list of all the things that I can do while hosting the shower at my house that will keep me distracted. I can easily tidy up, re-stock food, make sure everyone is okay, and so on. I won't have those same distractions tomorrow, I will just have my thoughts and baby talk. I will have to fake being okay and excited to be there, when the reality is...it will be really hard.
Unbeknownst to me, until just now, I have found myself slipping into a funk today. I think it is a mental preparation tactic that I do to attempt to get the sadness out now before the actual events happen. I have slipped into self-protection mode. I can tell, I can feel it. Yet, I don't know how to not do it.
My prayer is that the Lord will give me strength, the words to say, and the courage to be available. I don't know what it will be like to attend and host a baby shower in the state that I am in, but I am clinging to the truth that the Lord goes before me and won't give me more than I can handle. I am praying for the trust and the ability to believe that with everything that I am.
On another note, my newest read just came in the mail!
I was shocked when it came, because it is kinda like a text book...literally!
I am however, really excited about it! I, so far, really love the approach that fertility treatment is best when it is natural. Society is too quick to jump into IVF and IUI before really understanding what is going on and possibly hindering pregnancy. That is what the book has talked about so far and it has been a comfort to me. I have said before on this blog that I am fearful about having to think in the direction of fertility treatment. I am excited to see what the book says about the natural approach to solving some very common issues in getting pregnant with changes as simple as what you eat!
Trust me, you will hear more about this book as I make my way through it!
Funny thought to end the post, the way I found out about this book was on Guilianna and Bill! Love that show.
Patiently Praying-
Much Love-
Al
I wasn't really thinking about the implications when my boss asked me if she could host a work shower for my friend and co-worker the same week my best friend and I are hosting a shower for her.
I am realizing those implications now.
To be honest, I had kinda forgotten about the work shower completely. "Forgotten" and "pushed back into the recesses of my mind" are often interchangeable words for me. I had probably subconsciously decided not to think about it, because well, the thoughts are kinda hard to deal with.
Until today.
When I got an email reminder about it.
I almost find it easier to think about hosting the shower than to just be an attendee. I have found it easy to start a mental check list of all the things that I can do while hosting the shower at my house that will keep me distracted. I can easily tidy up, re-stock food, make sure everyone is okay, and so on. I won't have those same distractions tomorrow, I will just have my thoughts and baby talk. I will have to fake being okay and excited to be there, when the reality is...it will be really hard.
Unbeknownst to me, until just now, I have found myself slipping into a funk today. I think it is a mental preparation tactic that I do to attempt to get the sadness out now before the actual events happen. I have slipped into self-protection mode. I can tell, I can feel it. Yet, I don't know how to not do it.
My prayer is that the Lord will give me strength, the words to say, and the courage to be available. I don't know what it will be like to attend and host a baby shower in the state that I am in, but I am clinging to the truth that the Lord goes before me and won't give me more than I can handle. I am praying for the trust and the ability to believe that with everything that I am.
On another note, my newest read just came in the mail!
I am however, really excited about it! I, so far, really love the approach that fertility treatment is best when it is natural. Society is too quick to jump into IVF and IUI before really understanding what is going on and possibly hindering pregnancy. That is what the book has talked about so far and it has been a comfort to me. I have said before on this blog that I am fearful about having to think in the direction of fertility treatment. I am excited to see what the book says about the natural approach to solving some very common issues in getting pregnant with changes as simple as what you eat!
Trust me, you will hear more about this book as I make my way through it!
Funny thought to end the post, the way I found out about this book was on Guilianna and Bill! Love that show.
Patiently Praying-
Much Love-
Al
Monday, August 1, 2011
The Wailing Place
I was approached yesterday at church by this girl that I have talked to a number of times before. Have you ever met someone where you just automatically feel like you can bare your soul and you are safe? She is that kind of person for me. I don't really know why, other than the fact that she has been extremely open and vulnerable with her story and struggles with infertility.
She talked one day in church, as she stood before us, in her 5th month of pregnancy. After not being able to get pregnant for something like 8 years and adopting 2 boys in the mean time, the Lord opened her womb. After church that day, I thanked her for sharing, and shared with her, that I had unexpectedly found myself dealing with the same situation. I did feel guilty that day, talking to her like I knew what she was feeling. I remember thinking, 8 years. How does my one year of struggle compare to her 8 years of struggle. I also remember pleading with the Lord, please, not me. I can't do that.
Yesterday, she came up to me and said the Lord had placed me on her heart. My eyes immediately began to swell. One thing I can't do when I am talking to her, is keep myself from crying. I hadn't cried in weeks, yet, the tears came tumbling out. I cried about my frustration, my inability to "not stress", my struggle with pregnant friends, and my roller coaster of emotions.
Most of all, she listened. She affirmed what I was feeling. She shook her head at the right time, and she hugged me.
This was her one piece of advice she gave.
"To find your wailing place." Find your place where you can be alone, where you have no bounds, where you feel free, and in that place, wail to the Lord. Wail from your gut and from your soul. In that place, be what you feel. Whether it be silent or angry, crying or peaceful. Her promise to me was that the Lord would show up. That the Lord would meet me wherever I am at that time.
I believed her, because she knows. She knows how I feel. She knows the depths of my pain and the aching of my heart. She knows the inability to lessen the desire to have a child, and the struggle of letting go. She knows and is testament to the Lord meeting her in each of those places. I believe her, because she is proof.
Lord, my prayer is that you will hear my wails and make your presence known. Like she said, even if I don't feel you, give me the ability to trust that you are there.
Patiently Praying-
Much Love-
Al
She talked one day in church, as she stood before us, in her 5th month of pregnancy. After not being able to get pregnant for something like 8 years and adopting 2 boys in the mean time, the Lord opened her womb. After church that day, I thanked her for sharing, and shared with her, that I had unexpectedly found myself dealing with the same situation. I did feel guilty that day, talking to her like I knew what she was feeling. I remember thinking, 8 years. How does my one year of struggle compare to her 8 years of struggle. I also remember pleading with the Lord, please, not me. I can't do that.
Yesterday, she came up to me and said the Lord had placed me on her heart. My eyes immediately began to swell. One thing I can't do when I am talking to her, is keep myself from crying. I hadn't cried in weeks, yet, the tears came tumbling out. I cried about my frustration, my inability to "not stress", my struggle with pregnant friends, and my roller coaster of emotions.
Most of all, she listened. She affirmed what I was feeling. She shook her head at the right time, and she hugged me.
This was her one piece of advice she gave.
"To find your wailing place." Find your place where you can be alone, where you have no bounds, where you feel free, and in that place, wail to the Lord. Wail from your gut and from your soul. In that place, be what you feel. Whether it be silent or angry, crying or peaceful. Her promise to me was that the Lord would show up. That the Lord would meet me wherever I am at that time.
I believed her, because she knows. She knows how I feel. She knows the depths of my pain and the aching of my heart. She knows the inability to lessen the desire to have a child, and the struggle of letting go. She knows and is testament to the Lord meeting her in each of those places. I believe her, because she is proof.
Lord, my prayer is that you will hear my wails and make your presence known. Like she said, even if I don't feel you, give me the ability to trust that you are there.
Patiently Praying-
Much Love-
Al
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