Family

"You don't choose your family.  They are God's gift to you, as you are to them."  Desmond Tutu

Being around family is like taking a deep breath. It is a safe place, and a time where you can be yourself and know you are still...loved.

The time leading up to the Thanksgiving Holiday was a bit, well, stressful! The decision of whether we would be heading to Florida was hanging over our heads, mixed with doctors appointments, test with weird results, and Regan and I were both sick. It was definitely not a good combination. Tears, irrational conversations, and stress became the norm for a bit, and let me tell you, that is no fun!

As I have said before, the emotions of this "infertility" journey have led to some of the most surprises. I never know what is going to trigger me, or what is going to strike a cord in my heart. This time, it was the potential of missing out on a Holiday with my whole family. Looking back, I realized a really big personal issue I struggle with.

When it comes to my family and time with them, I don't trust Regan. I become defensive and territorial. I fight to prove my point and to get my way. Honestly, it is very ugly. When it comes down to it, I need to trust that Regan is going to make decisions that are the best for both of us. He recognizes that time with my family is very important to me, and he will do his best to make sure that it is a priority. Ultimately, I just need to let him lead in that, and not be passive aggressive or try and convince him to make those decisions. I need to trust, that in the end, He will make the right decision. Honestly, I know that he will, because he loves me sooo deeply. He is a man that chases after God, and depends on Him for direction and discernment. It is just in the moment, I doubt.

The way I relate to Regan, is a lot like how I relate to the Lord in this "infertility" struggle. Sometimes I feel like if I do all the right things, I can manipulate the situation. How crazy it sounds as I am writing it out, but I know that it is honestly what I do! Ugh...so disgusting!

This was definitely a harsh realization on many levels and again, just part of the learning process we have found ourselves in. It is amazing to see how the Lord is using this, to bring up so much in my life.

In the end, we ended up in Florida...with my family.

And yes, it was a time of refreshment. A time of encouragement. A time where I could take a deep breath, and just "be" for a little bit.

Family... I definitely didn't choose mine... But the Lord did, and I am eternally grateful.

And speaking of family, we have a new addition that we are oh soooo excited about!

Townes Michael Hester entered our lives on Saturday, Nov. 26th around 6:30pm. He and my sister-in-law are healthy and headed home today! We are so thankful and blessed.