Where is the rest?

Isaiah 30:15

This is what the Sovereign LORD, the Holy One of Israel, says:
 “In repentance and rest is your salvation,
   in quietness and trust is your strength,
   but you would have none of it.

This verse was in the devotional that Regan and I attempt to do every morning.

This pretty much sums up the feelings I am wrestling with right now.

As of late, the peace I was feeling, has vanished and I have been left with the wrangling of thoughts in my head. These thoughts, though I don't verbalize them as often as I think them, have gone as far as to permeate my dreams. I have been edgy with Regan, and honestly just in a foul mood.

I woke up this morning having had a dream that was overrun with babies, kids, friends with tons of kids, etc. For me, that is a true indication that my mind is just overloaded. I never remember my dreams, and this is the second night in a row where I have dreamt of all things baby.

"In quietness and trust is your strength...but you would have none of it..."


I don't know what has triggered this unrest. This spurt of anxiety and absolute consumption...

All I know is that I so desperately want to have a baby, it is controlling my thoughts every minute of every day...and in that, there has been no quietness.


Regan reminded me this morning that so many of our friends are praying for us right now...and honestly, that is a good thing. To be carried by ones that love us and have chosen to step into the struggle with us...

because at this time, I can't find the quietness myself. I can't find the rest, I can't find the peace.

Thanks for praying on my behalf for baby Ellis...

Much Love-
Al