Sometimes...

Sometimes when...

Just saying that makes me think of a Saturday night live sketch or something. I guess that could just be the tone that is echoing in my mind right now, but anyway back to this post.

Sometimes when you are talking to someone you have an epiphany. Almost like being told to heed your own advice and then actually doing it.

I was having an email conversation with one of my best friends about Regan's current job situation. After updating her on where he stands, she said " I am so sincerely sorry you're walking this journey in addition to the infertility one."

My response, and I meant it wholeheartedly, surprised me..."I guess that it is a true test to allowing the Lord to be in control. Hopefully it is a good sign that I am learning and the Lord is trusting me with more..."

One of my greatest realizations in this whole infertility journey has been my uncontrollable need to control. In return, realizing that I have major trust issues with the Lord.

Over the last couple months, my prayer has been that I have learned this lesson and that the Lord would end this phase of my life and answer my prayers. He may not have answered my prayers with a child yet, but it does seem that He has heard me.

Regan lost his job.

Until today, I don't think that I saw the significance of what that truly means. He, the Lord, has revealed that He has increased my faith, and in turn called me to step in deeper. Have you really learned that I am in control Allison? Let's see...

Bam. Infertility AND joblessness...

Who is really in control now?

My tendency has been to ask "why God"? Why would you do this to us? However, through this brief conversation with a dear friend, I am in awe...

Thank you Lord for revealing to me that I have learned to trust you enough to believe that though these times are really tough, you are in control. To reveal to me that obviously I can handle more, because you don't give us more than we can handle. To open my eyes to see that maybe, just maybe, Regan losing his job was a way for the Lord to show me that He really is in control...and for me to believe it.

Patiently Praying...

Much love-
Al