Going into the weekend...

Regan and I had a really great, honest, vulnerable, and real talk last night about "what's next." I will fill all those details in later. For now, I really want to focus on what my prayer for today and this weekend is. One thing we did for sure decide is that this month we are really seeking discernment and just laying it all out before the Lord and asking that He carry us.

In the talk last night, I admitted to Regan that my tendency in doing something like this, in really seeking the Lord, isn't pure. When Regan and I were in counseling a while back, the counselor said something that has always stayed with me. He said this...

"Often times we view God as a coke machine. We tend to think of it as if we do the right thing, we will be rewarded. Just like when you put quarters in a coke machine, you get a coke. We do the same thing with God. We say, if I do this for God, then He will do what I ask Him."

I have to admit, that a lot of the time, that is what I think. If I do the right thing, if I pray enough, if I am patient enough, the list can go on and on, but whatever it is, if I do it, God will reward me.

When Regan first mentioned to me about taking this month off to pray and honestly seek the Lord, that is the first thing that came to my mind. If I do this, maybe the Lord will answer my prayers.

Sad.

But true.

My prayer for today, this weekend, and the rest of the month will be that now that I have confessed this tendency, that the Lord would break that thought pattern. That He will forgive me for viewing Him as a "coke machine" per say.  That I will not see this time as a manipulation to get the Lord to answer my prayers, but that I will have a pure heart and an honest desire to seek Him. Not to seek Him to get what I think I want and need, but to honestly seek Him because HE knows what I need.

This verse sits atop my computer and I stare at it every day at work. In the beginning of this journey, I used to pray this verse with sincerity! As time has gone on, it has been harder to pray, because His time has not been my time.

" But as for me, my prayer is to you, O Lord. At an acceptable time, O God, in the abundance of your steadfast love answer me in your saving faithfulness." Psalm 69:13

Lord, forgive me for my selfish approach to this month off and fill me with the desire instead to know you more. The desire to rest at your feet and trust in you. Lord, you know the desires of my heart, help me to trust you with those. Help me to be consumed by You and You alone. Help me to, with all sincerity, pray the verse above believing that Your time, and Your time alone is acceptable and good.

Patiently Praying.

Much Love-
Al