A Month Off?

Regan heard the beep of the thermometer and asked, "what are you doing?"

My response was easy... "Taking my temperature."

"Why?" He asked?

"Why not?" I said. I still want to know what is going on, even though the answers were obvious when I started my period on Saturday.

"I think we should take a month off. A month of not being consumed with temperatures, not trying to figure out what is going on. Not worrying about what we are doing"

"Can I still make a doctors appointment" I asked?

"Not in this month off" he replied.

"We will have to talk about this when you are completely awake." I said, and changed the conversation.

I just got the call from the doctor's office that said I did ovulate this month, but of course, the pregnancy test came back negative. Just writing those words brings tears to my eyes.

I asked the nurse... "so I guess this means that it is time to move on?"

She knew exactly what I was talking about.

"Yes. I think it is time to make an appointment with the fertility clinic", she replied.

Heart sunk, broke, cried. I knew that would be the outcome as soon as I started my period on Saturday, but the reality hit harder than I expected. Those words felt like a ton of bricks being dropped on my chest.

As I said the last post, I am praying daily to surrender the unmet desire of baby Ellis to the Lord. It is probably one of the hardest things I have ever done. To release and accept that the Lord's plans could be that I never have a baby.

I am not there yet, but I am trying.

Please pray for me.

Pray that I will hear and submit to my husband and be at peace if we are supposed to "take this month off".

If we are, pray that I will actually be able to do that without being obsessed in my head.

Last but not least, pray that I can trust in what the Lord has planned for our family. That I can truly release this clinging to the unmet desire. That I can daily release Ellis to the Lord.

Much Love- Al