So, Regan and I had the much anticipated conversation about "what's next". It was really good and really hard all at the same time. It was really important for us to make sure that are are on the same page as we move forward. A lot of factors play into what we decide to do next and as always, there are a lot of unanswered questions in any direction that we decide to take. Regan made some really good points and it was really important for me to hear him out! Honestly, I think I would have been at the fertility clinic a long time ago, but as he always tells me, we are in this together!
So, basically, the highlights of the conversation were this:
1. We never expected to find ourselves in this place. Does anyone really? This reality has already hit me and I have been working to walk through that and think about what it means. Honestly, I have just worked on accepting it day by day. It has been really hard for Regan to accept that. No one ever wants to be faced with these decisions, and honestly, you don't ever expect to be here.
2. It is hard to move forward when the doctors have told you that there is nothing wrong. Being here is a really weird place. My sense of urgency and what I consider a long time, is completely different than Regan's. The test results, as shared earlier, put us in the 10% of unexplained infertility. If we decide to go to the fertility clinic, does that mean we aren't trusting the Lord? We fully believe that He can open my womb, it is biblical. How does that play out in the decisions on what we do next.
3. The step into fertility treatment potentially could be an endless financial pit. This is a big one. If we decided to pursue IUI, what if it doesn't work the first time? How many times do you try before you say enough? If it doesn't work, that is a lot of money spent that could have been used to start pursuing adoption.
These 3 points are really just a summary of what we discussed. I am so thankful for Regan and his honesty and support in this. He said at one point in the conversation that "as my husband, it is his responsibility to lead us in this. He would be doing me a disservice if he were to just jump into this fertility treatment without really praying and looking into it. He said it might not be the easiest thing to do, because he hates to see me in so much pain, but it is the right thing to do." Honestly, he was so right. I am so thankful he is leading us in this.
In the end, we talked about this month of "rest" and taking time off. We also discussed that making an appointment for the end of the month with the fertility clinic would allow me the ability to just let it go in my head. So, I did it. I made the appointment.
We aren't sure what will come from the appointment, but there will be more extensive testing and possibly looking into what the next step would be if we decided to do treatments.
Until then, we are just really seeking the Lord for discernment and wisdom. We are also asking him to move mountains and give us a baby!
So, that is how you can pray! Today, I am praying that the Lord, who can move mountains, would. I am also thanking Him for my sweet husband who knows so well how to gently and lovingly lead me through this unexpected journey!
Patiently Praying.
Much Love-
Al
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