I had my yearly exam on Wednesday. Though the intention of the doctor visit was not to talk about not being pregnant yet, I knew that I would use this time with the doctor to talk to her further about my situation. I have a longing to talk about it, to know more, and to get answers. Unfortunately, the appointment didn't go as I thought it would. She basically told me that there was nothing else that she could do for me as my general OBGYN. The fact that all the test had come back normal really left her with very little that she could do. She then suggested that I go see a specialist.
The dreaded diagnosis had come. Fertility Doctor.
I thought for sure going in, that there would be a next step. Medicine, something else. But there wasn't.
She really tried to be encouraging and remind me that she sees situations that are sooo much worse. That she wasn't referring me to an infertility doctor, because she believes I CAN get pregnant, but to a Fertility Specialist. She said, something isn't clicking, you aren't pregnant...it is time to see someone that can look more deeply into it.
I totally understand and half of me wants to jump head first in and schedule the appointment and get a move on. The other half is saying, no, not yet. I am trying to reconcile all of this in my head.
In doing some research and talking to people, I have learned that taking this step pretty much means you are ready to walk into trying alternative methods like IUI. The first appointment is extremely expensive and they pretty much automatically set-up a plan for moving forward.
I want answers, I want to know more, but I don't know if I am ready for that.
Recently, since I have been reading Making Babies and sharing more openly about my situation, I have been confronted with Acupuncture. This form of treatment has always been in the back of my head to deal with my allergies, but it is also becoming extremely popular with people dealing with infertility issues.
I am begining to think that this may be a good middle ground for me. It will allow me to feel like I am doing my part in being proactive, yet not jumping into fertility treatments.
On a side note, we are studying commitments in our community group. I was praying the other morning for the Lord to reveal to me vows that I have made....because those are just greater forms of commitments. I realized that I have made more vows and judgements than I realized in regards to how people have handled infertility struggles. I truly understand now, the rush of emotions and feelings that you experience when you so desperately want to be pregnant and it isn't happening. You are willing to do anything to change your situation. My tendency is to think that even though I have asked for forgiveness, that the Lord is going to punish me by teaching me a lesson because I have judged these people. I am fighting to believe different. I am fighting to believe that I am forgiven and redeemed. That God has his own story for my life, outside of the experiences my friends have had. God is in control.
Here is one of the articles that I have come across recently about acupuncture: http://www.tennessean.com/article/20110809/LIFE/308090026/Infertile-women-sing-acupuncture-s-praises
Patiently Praying-
Much Love-
Al
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