The Wailing Place

I was approached yesterday at church by this girl that I have talked to a number of times before. Have you ever met someone where you just automatically feel like you can bare your soul and you are safe? She is that kind of person for me. I don't really know why, other than the fact that she has been extremely open and vulnerable with her story and struggles with infertility.

She talked one day in church, as she stood before us, in her 5th month of pregnancy. After not being able to get pregnant for something like 8 years and adopting 2 boys in the mean time, the Lord opened her womb. After church that day, I thanked her for sharing, and shared with her, that I had unexpectedly found myself dealing with the same situation. I did feel guilty that day, talking to her like I knew what she was feeling. I remember thinking, 8 years. How does my one year of struggle compare to her 8 years of struggle. I also remember pleading with the Lord, please, not me. I can't do that.

Yesterday, she came up to me and said the Lord had placed me on her heart. My eyes immediately began to swell. One thing I can't do when I am talking to her, is keep myself from crying. I hadn't cried in weeks, yet, the tears came tumbling out. I cried about my frustration, my inability to "not stress", my struggle with pregnant friends, and my roller coaster of emotions.

Most of all, she listened. She affirmed what I was feeling. She shook her head at the right time, and she hugged me.

This was her one piece of advice she gave.

"To find your wailing place." Find your place where you can be alone, where you have no bounds, where you feel free, and in that place, wail to the Lord. Wail from your gut and from your soul. In that place, be what you feel. Whether it be silent or angry, crying or peaceful. Her promise to me was that the Lord would show up. That the Lord would meet me wherever I am at that time.

I believed her, because she knows. She knows how I feel. She knows the depths of my pain and the aching of my heart. She knows the inability to lessen the desire to have a child, and the struggle of letting go. She knows and is testament to the Lord meeting her in each of those places. I believe her, because she is proof.

Lord, my prayer is that you will hear my wails and make your presence known. Like she said, even if I don't feel you, give me the ability to trust that you are there.

Patiently Praying-

Much Love-
Al