I always was that girl that thought this is what my life would look like...
Grow up, go to college, get married right out of college to the guy that I dated all through college, get a job for a bit, have babies, lots of babies, die holding hands with my lover. Live like the fairy tales say...happily ever after right? Okay, not really the part about dying, but still.
Instead, the story kinda took a detour in the whole college part of my plan. Yeah, I did date, but not someone that I could really see myself marrying. College ended, I packed up my bags, said bye to my best friend and moved home. Slowly, the portrait I had painted for my life started to take on a different picture. I had never really thought about life after college being single. Looking back, like I said in the earlier post, I wouldn't trade it. Some of my closest friends have come from this stage in my life. I traveled, had a fun job, learned to be independent, and could be selfish and spend my money however and wherever I wanted. All that to say, through it all, the dream still remained. I wanted to be married.
So, why do I have the desire in my heart to be married, yet I haven't met the man I am supposed to marry yet? I was single until I was 29. I asked that question over and over again for probably about 8 years or longer, honestly, whether is was conscious or not. If the desire is placed there from the Lord, and He is more than able to fill it, what is taking so long?
Here is the doozy. I got married.
Proof Here:
I don't have to ask THAT question anymore. Now, it has been replaced with another question. Why am I not getting pregnant?
Throughout this whole journey, over the last year, the person I talk to a lot about it is my best friend from college.
Here she is: (so pretty right?!?)
From the outside, it doesn't really seem to make sense. She is a very successful single woman working in a very demanding and important job in DC. Her life is full of fun events, late work nights, fun cocktail hours, and busyness. Despite having been my best friend for the last 15 years (whoa), we are in different places in life, why is it that she is my person during this time?
Upon a recent visit to Nashville, she and I were sitting outside one of our favorite coffee shops, the Frothy Monkey. We of course delved into the "so how are you really doing" questions. She had come into town after a pretty rough couple months in her life that included major surgery and a major break-up. The coffee shop was packed and from my perspective it was packed with PREGNANT WOMEN. But you know what? From her perspective, it was packed with newly engaged girls whose rings were blinding her as they were reflecting in her face. The funny thing was, what both of us were seeing right.
That is where the common denomination unfolded...
Regardless of the fact that we are in different places in life, and our situations look completely different, the truth remains the same. We both have an insatiable desire in our heart that we can't control. We have a longing that the Lord has placed there, yet has not fulfilled. Our lives are steered by the question of Why God? When is it my turn?
I am learning that throughout life, one question may be answered, but it is only to be replaced with another question.
Whether you are blinded by rings, or you are blinded by bellies...the feeling is the same. God has placed a desire in your heart that He has yet to fulfill. I am starting to learn, probably way too late, maybe the question shouldn't be Why am I not ________God? (you fill in the blank), but instead, Why God are YOU not enough for me?
Prayerfully waiting...
Much Love-
Allison
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